Adoption Craziness

Loyal readers may recall that way back in the summer of 2005 we began the process to adopt a baby from China. At the time we expected to be home with our baby girl by the fall of 2006. Unfortunately our timing coincided with an abrupt slowdown in the Chinese adoption process, prompted by, most likely, a confluence of events (increased prosperity in China, some relaxing of one child policy, increased acceptance of domestic adoption, greater acceptance of girls, saving face with the attention brought by the Olympics, desire to shut down international adoption to appear to be more "1st world", and who knows what else). With every month we waited, the projected wait lengthened at an ever-faster rate, so rather than getting closer to the front of the queue, are hopes were continually stretched thinner and thinner. Finally, an IVF attempt worked and we got lucky times two. Our place in the adoption line finally came up, and if we hadn't put our file on hold we would be meeting our new daughter on Thanksgiving day (next month). We decided that while we do want to continue with the adoption (Mei Mei has been part of our imagined family for over 3 years after all), it would be unfair to everyone to have her be the same age as the twins. So we put our file on hold with the intention of reactivating it in the middle of 2009, with the hope of traveling at the end of 2009, with an age gap of around 1 1/2 years. But when we submitted our updated homestudy to the Chinese this summer (a requirement to show that our home would still be a good one for a new adoptee), our file must have jumped to the top of some pile by mistake because on Friday we received a "proposal". Meaning that we've been matched with a little girl (who's name I know) who was born in February. Crazy to think that the thing we wanted most in the whole world (and the thing that we still think is necessary to complete our family) could come true at the wrong time. We would have 3 kids within 7 months of age. All the social workers recommend against an age gap like this and Ontario wouldn't allow us to adopt her for that reason. We could proceed through BC, but after some pretty misty-eyed soul-searching we've decided to put our file back on hold and hopefully complete an adoption next year when we'll be better able to provide a great home for our daughter. In the meantime, I'm walking around feeling like I had all the wind knocked out of me.